


Basically a Man

by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle



Series: Storytime: Voltron is (Basically) a Disaster [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adam is confused, Attempt at Humor, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Here's Pidge's story, Humor, Hunk has a lot on his plate, I love her, I'm shook that I've written so many of these tbh, M/M, Pidge is the coolest guy on the block, She's Trying Her Best, but she's also a dork genius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-06-29 17:11:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15733830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffeinatedFlumadiddle/pseuds/CaffeinatedFlumadiddle
Summary: “Dude, you are so cool.” The guy shook his head and offered Pidge a fist bump. She conceded for no other reason than she was pretty sure that if she didn’t that the guy might die of heartbreak. A couple of the boy’s friends nodded at her.This was so profoundly weird. She had figured she would get picked on as a guy – not promoted to the top of the food chain. Matt would be so jealous. Really, there were only three logical explanations for the whole scenario. Option One: Her third-grade teacher was wrong and she had killer acting skills. Option Two: She made a better boy than she did girl. Option Three: She was surrounded by idiots.Judging by milk chugging contest going on next to her… She was going to have to go with option three.OrPidge is trying to figure out how to be a boy in the Garrison. It isn’t as hard as she thinks.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm back. As usual, if you haven't read anything from me then I should tell you this is part of a series, but you can still read this by itself. If you do want to read the rest here is the order:  
> Basically Home Schooled (Keith's Fic)  
> Basically Heterosexual (Shiro's Fic)  
> Basically American (Lance's Fic)  
> Basically a Criminal Mastermind (Hunk's Fic)
> 
> This is number five! Just two more left after this! I hope everyone enjoys the chaos Pidge creates

Not to brag or anything, but...Katie Holt was a pretty freaking cute kid. At the very wise age of five she discovered she was adorable enough to get basically anything she wanted by either smiling or pouting. This usually didn't cause too many problems since Katie was pretty content to only read and play games with her brother, but it did lead to a few complications for her family on the rare occasion she was told ‘no’.

The current situation being a perfect example.

“But...” She said slowly, looking at her half-packed suitcase to where her father was watching with amused eyes “I’m going too.” She explained. Katie knew in theory that her father was a smart cookie, but sometimes she worried about him. The guy missed obvious stuff. Why on Earth was he asking her why she packing a suitcase? The answer was pretty obvious.

Katie was well prepared for her trip to space. She packed extra animal crackers to share, a change of clothes (for both her and Matt because her brother was fond of wearing the same shirt for days), and her favorite book (it was the autobiography of Marie Curie that she got her mom to read her every night).

“Sweetheart, you’re not old enough to go to space.”

Well then. Clearly her father didn’t hear how her Uncle Frank told her that she was getting to be a ‘fully grown lady’. Someone needed to pass that memo along, thank you very much.   


“It’s okay,” she assured him “I can still go to keep you safe.” She said and put a blanket in the suitcase.

“Katie, I’ll be back in a few days. You don’t need to come with me.”

“I don’t mind. I told my teacher I would be taking a few days off from class. I’m only going to miss learning about octagons... and I already know about octagons anyways.” She told him. They had eight sides. What more was there to know? Kindergarten, man. They were wild over there. From his bed, Matt snorted.

“They don’t let kids into space, Pidge.”

“I’m not a kid!”

“Yes you are!”

“No I’m not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Okay, okay.” Sam interrupted and put a hand on Katie’s shoulder “I’m sorry, honey, but you can’t go with me. If you want to go to space one day you need to work hard to get into the Garrison so you can learn how to pilot.” He told her gently. Katie stared.

“But...I’m smart.” She reasoned. Why was nobody grasping this? The kids on the playground couldn't even do multiplication tables yet. That had to count for something, right?

“You are. The smartest person I know.”

“Thanks, dad.” Matt said dryly. Sam backtracked.

“Uh, the smartest girl I know. Matt is the smartest boy.” He tried and Katie scowled.

“I’m smarter than everyone!"

Matt licked jelly off of the wall once. Why was he even in the running right now?

“Why isn’t mom the smartest girl you know?” Matt challenged “Are you saying mom is dumb?” He demanded and sat up “MOM! DAD SAYS YOU’RE DUMB!” He yelled and Sam closed his eyes. From the other room, a soft snort could be heard.

“Only dumb people call others dumb.” She yelled back and Katie looked her father dead in the eye.

“Dad, you might be too stupid to go into space alone. I should go with you.” She informed him. Sam looked at the ceiling.

“I have made a mistake.” He whispered and glanced over at Matt “Two mistakes.”

“MOM! DAD IS CALLING US A MISTAKE AGAIN!”

"I think he's just calling you a mistake," Katie told him dryly and placed one of her barbies into her bag "The second mistake was keeping you." 

" _Katherine Holt_!"

* * *

 “What are you doing?”

“Making a time machine.” Katie told her brother “So that I can be a grown up and go to school and then I can keep dad safe in space.” She said. Matt considered the boxes scattered about before nodding.

“We’re going to need a lot of hot glue.” He said and Katie handed him a book.

“Read that so we know what to expect from time travel.”

“This is _a Wrinkle in Time_.” Matt frowned at her “You know this is fictional, right?” He asked her and the six-year-old paused.

“It’s what?” She asked, glancing up from her work. "Fictional...?"

"Like...Not real. You know not all books are true, right? Sometimes people just make up stories to entertain people."

That was the day Katie Holt learned that there was real evil in the world. As she got older she would come across people who were mean and cruel...but never as cruel as the monsters who had lied to her. Books were meant to be a source of knowledge. Information. And while she would eventually begrudgingly come to appreciate art in all of its forms...There are some things that were unforgiveable.

Needless to say her time machine was _not_ functional.

* * *

 The first time Katie actually went inside the Garrison was with Matt. She was nine now and Matt had begrudgingly agreed to show her around now that he had graduated.

“The orange is ugly.” She commented as Matt led her down the twisting hallways.

“Oh - Hey Shiro!” He brother suddenly called and turned to her “Wait here a sec, okay? I need to talk to him.” He said, gesturing to where a man had disappeared around the corner. Before she could respond, Matt was gone. She scowled, leaning against the lockers. One of them sat slightly ajar, clearly unlocked. Who would just leave their locker unlocked? It was called a locker for a reason.

Curiously, she nudged it open and felt her mouth drop. Textbooks sat inside...You know, the ones that _didn't_ lie to you.  


No way. Looking around, she grabbed them and stuffed them inside her bag. Clearly, whoever owned this locker didn’t care about them. She would give the books a better home. Pleased with her discovery, she tried not to look too guilty as her brother rounded the corner again, nose wrinkled.  


"Did you find him?" She asked

"Yeah."

"And...?"

"I wish I hadn't." He shuddered "He just got back from a mission." He rolled his eyes "Meaning him and Adam are _extra_ gross." Katie didn't know who Adam was, but nodded anyways. "Besides, it sounds like Shiro has a lot on his plate now anyways with Keith."

"Keith?"

"This kid Shiro found a couple years ago... It's a whole story." Matt waved her questions away "Why are you so interested? Aren't you going to try and get me to take you to the lab?" He rose an eyebrow at her. Katie smiled innocently and tucked her bag closer to her.  

"I just...Like listening to you talk." 

Matt stopped walking.

"Do you now?" He asked, crossing his arms. Katie offered a weak grin "You're a liar Katherine Holt. Please, _please_ tell me you didn't hack into the computers and post awful pictures of me across the school." 

"Are you still mad about that?" She sighed "Matt I sent _one_ naked baby photo of you to space. Nobody is going to see it! It's on a computer that's in _space_!"

"That computer is supposed to contact aliens! They're going to open that computer up expecting to learn all about Earth and humans and BAM. There's my baby butt in their faces. Awful. Terrible. You're the worst sister ever." Matt muttered, completely forgetting about the fact she was clearly hiding something else. Katie cackled. She should investigate sending more embarassing photos of Matt to space. 

* * *

 When her brother disappeared, Katie tried various disguises to go after him in. Pidge Gunderson was one out ten options.

Like all good scientists, Katie knew how to conduct a scientific test. She would try on an outfit, go out in public and see how people reacted to it.

“Katie?”

“My name is Caterina van Dutch. I come from the-”

“Aren’t you a little old for dress up?”

“You really need to develop an imagination, George.”

“I’m just a cashier, Katie.”

* * *

“Hi.”

“Hello there, person I’ve never seen before. My name is Alex. What’s yours?”

“...George.”

“Lovely day, isn’t it? I was wondering if I could purchase these items.”

“Katie, you literally just put on a hat. I don’t know who you think you’re fooling.”

“Damnit.”

* * *

“Who are you this time?”

“....Alyssa Banks.”

“It’s the same outfit as last time, you just added glasses.”

“I didn’t ask you, George.”

* * *

“Nice to meet you Dr. Wonshizak.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. George. You should check out some of my research on nuclear particle physics. I find it-”

“You know that lab coat is too big for a thirteen-year-old, right?”

“Fuck you and your stupid cash register.”

* * *

“Are you going through, like, a goth phase?”

“Oh my _God_. You don’t even know me!”

“I do. You’re Katie Holt wearing a lot of eyeliner and a lot of black. Wait. Is it emo or goth? I forget. I think my brother is an emo. I don't think it's a phase for him though.”

“My name is obviously Raven Black. You can’t just go around telling people how to live their life. I won’t conform to this oppressive society telling me who I can and can’t be!”

“Uh huh. So are you going to buy something this time or...?”

“You really annoy me, you know that?”

“I got yelled at about sales tax the other day. Let me rest.”

* * *

“Cash or card?”

Pidge stared. She waited for George to call her out, but he only stared at her, dead in the eyes.

“...Cash.” She said slowly “I’m new here. Do you know any good places to eat?”

“No.” George snorted “I hear the Garrison has a pretty legit illegal kitchen though. Are you a student?”

“I will be, yeah.”

“Cool. I’m George. I mainly cashier here, but one of my brothers go to the Garrison.”

Holy shit, it was working.

“Oh. Who are your brothers?”

“Darren and Draven. They’re twins. Draven goes to the Garrison and Darren goes to Garrick High.” George informed her “I wouldn’t recommend spending any time around them. They are both idiots. But good luck with school, dude.” He said and handed her the receipt. Pidge accepted it and exited the shop before releasing a long breath.

Short hair and glasses. That was the key to her disguise, clearly. She had to hurry and pack before her mom got home.

Wait.

Had he called her dude?

...There was an idea.

* * *

Pidge had never really thought much about what being a boy entailed. Before officially enrolling in the Garrison she figured some research was in order...And as a scientist she knew there were a few ways to go about this. Jane Goodall studied chimpanzees - it couldn’t be that different, right?

“Please sit, Mr. Hanson.”

“Um...I was told there was a mandatory meeting for all the guys in the dorm?” The boy asked. Pidge looked down at the list she had hacked. Phillip Jason. PJ for short, according to her notes.

“Yes. You are the first to be interviewed.” She told him and PJ stared “Sit.” She repeated and he plopped down in the seat across from her.

“Okay...uh. How old are you?”

“Don’t be a bitch, Mr. Hanson.” She snapped at him and the boy put a hand over his heart, mouth dropping open.

“I...Okay? I'm...Sorry?" He spluttered in a way that made Pidge think he wasn't really sorry. It was no matter. She had other things to worry about.

“Great. Now what gender what you describe yourself?”

“Umm...a boy, I think.”

“You think?”

“A boy. Yes. Definitely.” He said, a little flustered.

“Why are you a boy?”

“I have a dick?”

“Wrong, Mr. Hanson. Lots of boys are dickless. Look deep inside yourself for an answer.”

“I...everyone just sort of told me I was a boy?”

“So if I called you a pickle from here on out you would eventually believe me? Nonsense. Give me more, Mr. Hanson.”

“I...I just feel like a boy? Calling me a girl would make me uncomfortable.”

“You’re absolutely useless. Get out.”

* * *

“Mr. Griffin. Please explain what sort of things threaten your masculinity.”

“Um...not a lot does, really.” Griffin shrugged. Pidge narrowed her eyes at him.  


“So if I asked you to walk out of this room in booty shorts and lipstick, would you do it?”

“Sure.”

“Perfect. I happen to have both in my bag.”

“Wait-”

"You said what you said."

"But I-"

" _You said what you said, Mr. Griffin_."

* * *

“Mr. Kinkade you appear to be the most promising interviewee according to our files. Your grades are outstanding. No disciplinary issues, well liked, good physical health...Tell me about yourself.” Pidge asked, lacing her fingers together. Kinkade rose an eyebrow at her, but said nothing.

“Ah. So you are the strong and silent type? Hm...I don’t think that’s going to work with me. I’m a bit small.” She sighed and waved him away “Thanks anyways.”

Kinkade didn't move. He just crossed his arms over his chest.

"You have some serious big dick energy going on. You need to teach me how to do that."

Silence.

"Well," Pidge sighed "It was worth a shot."

* * *

“I mean, what even IS masculinity? I’m clearly a macho guy who gets lots of girls, but like, I wear face masks and stuff. Does that make me less of a boy?”

“Uh...”

“Of course not! I’m a boy because I say I’m a boy and that’s all there is to it. Assigning gender to things is weird. Why do girls get to have good skin, but not boys? Crazy. Pretty girls like boys with nice skin.”

“Mr. McClain-”

“Keith Kogane had long hair the last time I saw him. That didn’t make him a girl. I mean, don’t get me wrong. The hair was ugly as fuck, but it didn’t change his gender.”

“It’s been over three hours, please leave.”

"And what about people who aren't a boy _or_ a girl? Are they allowed to have nice skin according to societal standards? Or do dumbass Americans expect them to walk around as a bunch of skeletons without skin?"

"I don't think it's an American thing..."

"It helps my mental health to blame America for everything that goes wrong in my life."

"I'm begging you to go away." 

* * *

“Explain the bro code to me.”

“Oh...I don’t know. I’m not really a bro kind of guy.” The boy in front of her frowned "Um...Can I ask the reasoning behind these questions? You shouldn't feel like you need to change yourself to fit in, man. I know being a freshman is scary and all, but you're here to make the best of yourself not become someone new entirely."  


Oh, the irony. While the boy was definitely sweet, Pidge needed to figure out a way to distance herself from Katie Holt and adapt to her new persona. She bit her lip, flopping back into her chair with an air of defeat. Maybe the Kinkade approach was actually the best. Katie was known to talk a lot if you got her on a topic she was interested in. Being silent would be a good one-eighty. 

...but did she really have that kind of restraint? 

No. No she did not. 

"Thank you for your thoughts, Mr. Garrett." She sighed, rubbing her eyes "You may leave now."

"Uh..Sure. Thanks, I guess." The boy frowned and stood up. Pidge gathered her notes. "Here. Don't tell anyone I gave that to you, but...You look like you need it, dude." He said and she glanced over to find a cupcake left on the table. She stared at it, feeling her stress melt a bit.

Maybe... She was overthinking this. The boy who talked a lot had a point about gender earlier. It was pretty fluid and what not...And clearly there were boys here who felt comfortable handing out sparkled cupcakes to other boys. That had to count for something, right?

Besides. If anyone gave her any real trouble she could just find Kinkade. The guy had given her his number and patted her on the head before he left. She wasn't an expert or anything, but she was pretty sure that meant they were besties now.

She sighed and leaned back into her chair. Now was the moment. She had to make official. No longer was there Katie Holt, but instead... Pidge... Um...Pidge...

"You know!" The boy from earlier popped his head back into the room "My skin routine may not be considered masculine, but I can also shoot a gun so _there_!"

Gunderson. Pidge Gunderson.

* * *

"I thought you were the smart one." Adam asked blandly and Pidge gasped in response.  


"I'm smarter than you!" She huffed back, crossing her arms "At least I know not to wear my glasses inside of my helmet. You wouldn't have that nasty scar on your face if you had thought that through!" She pointed out and Adam's mouth dropped.

" _You don't even need glasses_!" He told her "You can just take your hipster disguise off! What was I supposed to do? Put the war on pause for ten minutes while I threw on a pair of contacts?!" He scowled and Shiro frowned, running a finger down the lined from his eyebrow to his cheekbone. 

"She has a point. You're lucky you didn't lose your eye." He murmured. Adam pouted. 

"Don't gang up on me. We aren't talking about glasses anyways. We're talking about the fact this fool literally interviewed people to figure out how to be a boy." 

"Scientific data is an important part of behavioral analysis-"

"KOSMO!"

Lance's frustrated yell echoed around them along with the sound of someone hitting the wall in frustration. Pidge glanced towards the kitchen with a bit of interest. She had left Keith and Lance alone in the kitchen in hopes they would talk out their feelings after their most recent argument. She hadn't realized Kosmo had popped back into the apartment. 

"Keith!" Lance shouted again "Do something about your wolf!"

"What does it look like I'm doing, Lance? Do I look like I'm enjoying the situation?!" Came the snapped response. Hunk worriedly wrung his hands together, glancing at Pidge with raised eyebrows. She turned to where Shiro and Adam were sat. They had relocated to the dining room, so everyone was sat around a rectangular wooden table. The yelling continued. 

"I didn't fucking die for this!" Lance yelled back "Christ, Kosmo _stop_!" 

"I'm not going in there." Adam said finally "Neither is Takashi."

"Why the Hell not?!" Pidge demanded and the man shrugged.

"We're old. Too much stress is bad for us."

"You are both still in your twenties." 

"You'll be lucky in you make it into your twenties." Adam said darkly and she gaped at him. Shiro turned his boyfriend, brows furrowing together. 

"Adam, sweetheart, beautiful angel... What the fuck does that mean?"

"I don't know. It sounded ominous and relevant with all the space war going on." He shrugged and Pidge groaned. Fine. Whatever. She stood up, walking over to the kitchen when Lance suddenly sprinted out of the room. He immediately tripped and landed at her feet. 

"Hi there."

"Hi Pidge." 

Before she could ask what the Hell was happening there was a flash of black and blue and Lance was gone again. 

"Kosmo, come on." Lance whined. Pidge walked over and popped her head in the kitchen. Sure enough, Lance and Keith were both there with the giant space wolf sitting in front of them patiently. Keith was scowling at it, arms crossed. The betrayal was clearly written on his features.

"So you're being held hostage by a dog, huh?" She asked and Kosmo's head whipped around at her. Before she could react there was another flash of black and blue and she found herself deposited on Hunk's lap. Kosmo licked her face and zapped back out. "Did he just...Kick me out?" She spluttered. Huh. It looked like Kosmo also wanted Keith and Lance to resolve their differences. 

She could respect that. 

"So anyways-"

"Aren't we going to rescue Keith and Lance?" Hunk interrupted and Pidge patted his arm. 

"No. Kosmo is a wise dog. We should listen to him."

"He tore my pillows so he can't be that wise." Adam grumbled and turned to Shiro with a pout "I told you I was more of a cat person." 

"He isn't my wolf, Adam... Besides, I saw you feeding him treats earlier. You also played fetch with him."

"I said that I'm a cat person, not that I'm a monster who won't play fetch." Adam muttered, crossing his arms.

" _Anyways_ ," Pidge growled at him "We need to talk about me actually attending the Garrison. And how people thought I was a mob boss." She added, giving Hunk an apologetic look. "My first week was kind of weird..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering... George knew it was Katie. He was just too tired to argue with her awful disguise choices anymore. Also, guess whose textbooks she stole lol. Throwback. 
> 
> If the last bit confused you because you're new I'll give you a quick rundown of the situation:  
> The paladins (and Adam) are telling stories from their Garrison days so the last scene is them reacting to whatever is being told. Some serious tension is going on between Keith and Lance. Adam is alive and well (I'll go into how he survived in his fic because that boy is NOT dying on my watch) and is kind of an ass, but that's okay. They are currently all at Adam's apartment. Allura, Romelle, Coran, and Krolia are technically there too, but haven't made an appearance because they are taking a well-deserved nap. 
> 
> ....They will show up soon though. Worry not. 
> 
> LASTLY, I have a tumblr now (just search CaffeinatedFlumadiddle and I might show up). I've done nothing of interest aside from reblog stuff so far, but I do plan on writing a few drabbles there. I kind of want to post some of the scenes that I couldn't figure out how to include in these fics (i.e. Adam asking for Keith's permission to marry Shiro, Adam and Lance's discussion that Hunk was trying to eavesdrop on, etc...) so you can check that out if you want. 
> 
> Thanks for dropping by! I'll see you soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Life has been really exhausting lately. You guys make me feel a bit better so thanks for that lol. 
> 
> Disclaimer: if I owned Voltron there would be way too much chaos so worry not. I own nothing.
> 
>  
> 
> **ALSO, I meant to write this in the first chapter, but I forgot. Here is an important PSA:**  
>   
> 
> I know in many fics Pidge's gender is pretty fluid. Sometimes she's a trans boy or genderqueer or non-gendered, etc... I love all of those fics and headcanons and I absolutely respect them. However, for this story, I am writing Pidge as someone who identifies as a girl (she/her pronouns) PRETENDING to be a boy. I don't want anyone who reads this to think I'm writing a trans or non-binary experience. Those experiences are very personal and they aren't something I feel I am well-versed enough to write. 
> 
> I've alluded a bit to how my beliefs on how bullshit the binary system/gendered stereotypes are, but I want to make it clear that I'm writing Pidge as a cis girl. I don't think anyone was confused on the matter, but it makes me feel a little better clarify that. I would hate for someone to misinterpret this fic and be made to feel uncomfortable because of it. 
> 
> That being said, if I ever DO write something that makes anyone feel uncomfortable it is probably due to some ignorance on my part so please let me know so I can learn/fix it. I don't foresee this being a problem since I tend to be pretty careful with that stuff, but with this fic being centered a lot on gender I've been thinking a bit about it. 
> 
> Okay - thanks for reading that little spiel. Here's the chapter!

"Pidge Gunderson?"

"Here!"

Tension immediately left her shoulders as she responded. Ever since class started she had been worried about not responding to her new name. She had practiced for a solid hour by repeating 'Pidge Gunderson' to reflection in the bathroom this morning (thoroughly weirding out her roommate) before leaving for class. 

Now? This was her moment to shine. She was moved in. Identity assumed. All that was left was to ace her classes and find her family.

She totally had this under control... Right?

Mr. Frasier continued down roll call, only half paying attention. His eyes seemed to be drifting to the door, unable to focus. Pidge sighed. She had hoped she would have a _competent_ teacher, but alas. Mr. Frasier appeared to be unable to handle the attendance sheet. Go figure.

"Right. So now that we are all here...You are now dismissed." Mr. Frasier informed them "I have other things to do."

...what?

Everyone looked around. Pidge prayed this was a joke... And was immediately disappointed when her teacher left the room.

Seriously?! Rumor had it that Mr. Frasier was one of the most knowledgeable teachers in the Garrison! He definitely wasn't as well liked as most teachers, but was probably by far the smartest (she had researched his credentials intently before hacking herself into his class).

Now the slimy son of a bitch was ditching them? Unforgivable. A few people stood up, but Pidge felt her eyes narrow.

No... Not on Pidge Gunderson's watch. They would learn.

"Excuse me," She called and marched to the desk Mr. Frasier had abandoned "Please return to your seats, I'll be teaching the class today." She said and began to write on the board. Tragically, she couldn't reach the top so she pushed a chair over so she could scribble down the topic they were supposed to cover.

"Um... You're not the teacher, dude."

"I hope you use that level of observation in your studies." She responded flatly "Look. You paid a lot of money to be here and learn this nonsense. Do you want me to teach it to you or not?" She asked "Because quite frankly, I also have other things to do as well and I'm not wasting my time showing you this stuff if you don't want to be here."

Nobody moved. Most were staring at her with wide eyes, but a few were shrugging and opening their notebooks... One kid was just asleep in the back. Or dead. Pidge was docking points off of his participation either way.

"Do you even know how to do this stuff, pretty boy?" The kid asked. Pidge wrinkled her nose. She supposed she shouldn't be surprised that 'pretty boy' was the chosen insult with all things considered... But the lack of creativity was still appalling.

"We have spoken for maybe five seconds and somehow you already make me feel so much rage." She scowled turned back to the blackboard "So be prepared to cry at how awesome the mechanics of aircrafts are because let me tell you...It's pretty cool. There's three sectors we need to study-"

"Are we just accepting that this guy is teaching us?"

"Get out of my classroom."

" _Your_ classro-?!"

"Mr. Gunderson is trying to teach," One girl interrupted and winked at Pidge. What...? "Carry on, professor." She smirked leaning forward a bit.

Was she being flirted with? She shouldn't be surprised. Based on Pidge's three hours of being officially enrolled in the Garrison she could see that 89.76% of the guys were morons. The poor straight girls were probably desperate for a smart guy. Yikes. She did not have time for that. According to her life schedule she made when she was twelve her first kiss was going to be when she was twenty-three. If she kissed _anyone_ before that point it would mess up her plans to find her family, win the Nobel Peace Prize, and invent a cloning machine.

"Well?" Another girl asked, fluttering her eyelashes "Aren't you going to teach us?" She asked and the boy next to her was nodding in agreement before shooting her an equally flirty smile.

Damn her charm and rugged good looks.

* * *

Pidge had seen plenty of high school movies before. She knew that there were supposed to be cliques of people. The catty girls. Jock boys. Nerd kids. Band geeks. Etc...

She also knew most of that was bullshit. Well. For the most part. That didn't mean the stereotypical high school villians didn't exist.

"Damn!" A boy whistled and Pidge looked up from where she had been studying in the courtyard to see a girl scowl as she walked by. Pidge tilted her head, watching as the girl crossed her arms over her chest as the boy who had called out to her continued his leering with a few friends making lewd comments in the background.

Gross. Pidge sat up, shutting her book loudly to gain the girl's attention.  She warily looked towards her and Pidge offered a wry smile.

"Want a cookie?"

"I'm not interested."

"In cookies?" Pidge asked, a little confused. She thought cookie haters were just a myth. The girl rolled her eyes and realization hit her. Oh. Right. She probably thought Pidge was like the creepy guys over there. Fair enough. "I meant real cookies!" She said and pulled out the bag to show her "Um... If you want, I mean. You can just have it...Like. Over there. And I can have it over here."

A pause.

"Um... Okay." The girl sighed, looking over her shoulders where the boys had stopped yelling. They were still gawking, but at least they were quiet. Pidge handed her a cookie. "Who are you?"

"Pidge. You?"

"Jenny."

"Hi Jenny." Pidge greeted. The girl looked a few years older than her - maybe sixteen or seventeen. "Do you want me to get rid of them?" She asked, looking thoughtfully at where the three boys sat. Jenny rose an eyebrow. "I can do it!" She insisted "My brother once told me I'm more destructive than nuclear warfare."

"Was that supposed to be a compliment?"

"Oh, definitely not. But my brother is one of those idiots that happen to be a genius so whatever he says is either nonsense or brilliant." Pidge informed her and leaned in a little closer "By the way, keep the cookie on the down low. I hear Iverson is strict on the no-sharing-food thing." She whispered. Jenny snorted and put the cookie close to her chest. Pidge nodded in approval.

"What are you reading?" She asked. Pidge felt her face brighten and held up the book.

" _Nuclear Physics in Relation to Theoretical Universes_ by Dr. Maria Thomas!" She told her and Jenny reared back "It's really cool! The math goes over potential realities and how physics could change in those realms depending on the quantum... You look scared." Pidge frowned. Jenny was staring at her with wide eyes. "Oh my God. Are the idiots being rude again?" She asked, annoyed. Pidge had _nobody_ to talk to about fun stuff without Matt or her father. Those dumbasses were not taking this from her.

"HEY!" She yelled, standing up. The boys stopped talking to stare "STOP BEING GROSS TO MY FRIEND OR ELSE I'M CUTTING YOUR DICK OFF!"

"Oh my God." Jenny laughed "Are we friends now?"

Pidge looked down at her.

"You asked me about my book. Of course we are." She said and turned back to the boys who were yelling in outrage "YOU THINK BECAUSE I'M SMALL I CAN'T KICK YOUR ASS?! I'M PERFECT DICK PUNCHING LEVEL! REMEMBER THAT!" She shouted and sat back down, huffing. She smiled at Jenny. "Anyways! The author focuses on three different potential universes which are computed by..."

* * *

"Are you even _human_?" Pidge frowned and experimentally poked Kinkade's arm. The boy didn't look up from the book he was reading, instead biting into his apple. Pidge shook her head. "You are part robot. I know it. You can't keep this from me forever." She scowled and sat down next to him on the floor of the boy's dormroom. After a few second of silence she glanced a little over at him, half expecting to see an off button hiding somewhere on his arm. 

"...you would tell me if you were actually part robot, right? You promise?" She asked and poked him again. From beside her, Kinkade took another bite of his apple. She pouted a little, but it immediately vanished when Kinkade held up a pinky. She grinned, wrapping her own pinky around to seal the promise. "Good." She told him with a nod "I can stop losing sleep over that."

There was a pause.

"You want to know a secret?" Pidge sighed and Kinkade turned to her, raising an eyebrow. "I miss the color pink... I used to wear it all the time at home, but I can't here." She said miserably. It mostly because the uniforms were orange and gray, but also because pink was a 'girl' color so to speak. She didn't want anyone to figure out who she was due to stereotypes. "That's stupid, right?" She asked Kinkade.

The boy stared at her for a moment...Pidge briefly wondered if he knew she was a girl. He seemed like the type to figure it out and not say anything. After a few seconds the cadet stood up and walked over to his closet. Pidge curiously peered under his arm as he opened it to reveal an array of colorful clothing. Huh. She hadn't pegged him as a colorful kind of guy. Clearly, she was an idiot.

"Here," Ryan told her and tossed an obnoxiously large pink shirt at her face. It completely drowned her, but the color was warm and familiar. She was reminded of her old dress that was somewhere in the back of her closet at home. Kinkade also handed her a small pink hairtie. At Pidge's confusion he smiled "My hair used to be long before the Garrison. You can wear it on your wrist." He shrugged and sat down, resuming his book.

Ryan Kinkade was her favorite person... Or robot. She still wasn't sure yet.

* * *

"Rumor has it that you threatened to punch another man's dick."

It was literally the third day of school. Pidge had planned on keeping a low profile. Looks like that plan is done and gone.

"Bold of you to assume it was only threat." She said and the boy - what was his name? Mc....Mc Something...Vance McSomething. Wait. Vance wasn't right either. It didn't matter. It wasn't like they would be spending a lot of time around each other or anything.

"Let me guess," Not-Vance rolled his eyes. "It was a promise?"

"A prophecy." Pidge corrected, tucking her books under her arm. "I will end up punching that guy's dick. I can you show you the math I did to support that." She informed him and the boy rose his eyebrows.

"I cannot tell if you're joking."

"Good." She said and took a step. Not-Vance followed her. She sighed. The guy talked so much. The three hour interview was still fresh on her mind. Still, she didn't try to deter him. Something about him was warm and inviting enough to put her on pause.

"You know people are saying they saw you give someone a cookie." Not-Vance hummed "Ballsy."

"Indeed."

"People say it is something Little Tuna would do."

Pidge stopped. She had been hoping to break into Iverson's office tonight, but with this nonsense she would never get both her planning and homework done in time. The boy looked down at her, eyes combing over her face sharply.

"What the fuck is a Little Tuna?" She asked, wrinkling her nose. The boy scoffed.

"Garrison mob boss."

...The Garrison had a mob boss? Interesting. She could use that information... Although she wasn't sure what handing out cookies had to do with it.

"I just got here. Why would people think I'm a mob boss?" She asked, crossing her arms. People were so stupid. Not-Vance nodded, seemingly agreeing silently with the statement, but stopped when he met her eyes.

"I guess they think you're like..The second Little Tuna. They probably are assuming the original guy left."

That would be so awesome. If only some random ass criminal decided to hand over his illegal business to her.

"Hm..." She said, thinking. A high profile criminal would have access to a lot of information... And. Well. If people already thought it was her...Who was she to tell them she wasn't? If this could potentially help her find her dad and brother... "I'm more like the third, but whatever." She shrugged. The boy blinked.

"Sorry?"

"Third. The second Little Tuna...Met an unfortunate end if you know what I mean." She clicked her tongue "Cracked a bit under the pressure, you know?" She asked and smirked at Not-Vance as he gaped openly at her "What? Are you surprised that I'm being upfront about it? It's not like people will believe you anyways." She said and waved brightly at him. "See you around, bro."

Pidge really hoped people believed him...Also she spoke bro-code which was awesome because she had been practicing that for a week. Did she sound cool? She hope she sounded cool.

"Hey, Gunderson" One her classmated waved.

"Sup, bro." She responded.... She was truly awesome at this.

* * *

"Mr. Frasier?"

"Mr. Gunderson?"

There was an awkward moment as they silently stood in front of one another. When Pidge had broken into Iverson's office to get more information on the Kerberos mission she hadn't expected to find her teacher there too. Adam shifted a little uncomfortably. 

"What are you doing here?" He finally asked her, sounding resigned. He gestured to her and she scoffed, placing a hand on her hip. At least they both knew the script.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"I asked you first."

"I asked you second."

"I'm glad you can count."

"I can't wait until my professor teaches us how to get all the way to _three_." She snapped back dryly and Mr. Frasier snorted. He had a file in his hand that looked suspiciously like the one she was after. Pidge narrowed her eyes.

"You can get expelled for this."

"You could get fired."

"I've gotten fired before. I'm hardly intimidated."

"I can believe that." She told him "You tried to make us fill out your tax forms yesterday and told us it was a pop quiz."

"It would have saved so much time if you had kept your mouth shut." Mr. Frasier muttered and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked at her for a few seconds and suddenly his brows furrowed together. "You...Remind me of someone." He said and his voice softened "Or maybe it's just wishful thinking."

Adam Frasier. Pidge knew she recognized the name. Matt had known him. Her heart clenched. She wondered if her father knew him as well. Her eyes danced to the file in his hand... This would have been Shirogane's boyfriend then. It would seem she wasn't the only one who hadn't given up on the truth of the Kerberos mission.

"I didn't see you and you didn't see me." She finally said. Adam tilted his head, a small smile touching his lips. He took off his glasses.

"Definitely don't see you." He said and Pidge snorted and took off her own glasses. It would have been a touching (slightly dorky) moment of solidarity if Adam hadn't ran into the wall on his way out. "Right, I'm putting the glasses back on, but my point still remains." he called and Pidge sighed.

...After finding Matt and her father she would work on tracking down Shirogane as well. It didn't look like the man was in good hands.

* * *

"I can't believe you like Lance McClain." Pidge said grumpily as took a sip of her coffee. Jenny snorted, crossing her arms.

"He's sweet," Jenny shrugged and Pidge made a face. Ew. "I kind of just want to hook up with him for right now though."

"Ugh!" Pidge said, putting her hands up "I did not think you could be more nasty. Find yourelf some soap. Please."

"He gets so excited when he talks," Jenny continued dreamily, ignoring her "He kept hitting this guy in the face because he couldn't keep his hands still." She snorted fondly "Then he got nervous and switched to Spanish." She smiled.

Pidge was so disgusted.

"You should like Ryan." Pidge said "Ryan is cute."

"Ryan Kinkade?"

"Yeah."

"Hm...Maybe." Jenny shrugged. Pidge frowned. She needed to work on her wingman skills. Not that Ryan asked her to do anything of the sort, but she figured that maybe that was how boys showed other boys they cared or something... Maybe she should research that...

Jenny laughed at whatever expression she was making and kissed her cheek. Pidge tried not to roll her eyes. Jenny was affectionate, which was fine but Pidge had things to do. She couldn't be recieving constant hugs or kisses. It put her exactly .05 seconds behind schedule each time. Horrible. She tried not to let her disapproval show as she waved goodbye to her friend and continued hacking into the Garrison's systems.

"Yo. Gunderson."

People were so annoying.

"What?" She asked, noting another Garrison boy standing in front of her. A few of his friends were crowded behind, watching them with various nods. Pidge nodded back. She felt like an idiot. What was wrong with waving? Why couldn't she wave?

"Jenny Shaybon? Nice, man." The guy nodded. Pidge stopped typing, a bit confused. What about Jenny? Oh God. He was being nasty, wasn't he? Pidge didn't have time for this.

"I would like to take this opportunity to tell you to stop." She said and crossed her arms "She's obviously very pretty. I get that. But there are literally so many other things about her that are worth talking about...And while we're on the subject, why are we talking about her like this at all? I feel like we're discussing my dog or a show horse."

"Uh... Sorry, man." The boy blinked, looking alarmed "I just kind of thought..." He trailed off and winced "Sorry. You're right. I kind of just wanted to introduce myself since everyone has been talking about you so much." He said, rubbing the back of his neck "I went about it the wrong way, I guess."

....Pidge was confused.

"Talking about me...?" She asked a little nervously. She thought back to the Little Tuna stuff. Maybe she should have been a bit more wary before making that claim. The kid nodded, shoving his hands in his jacket nervously.

"Yeah. They say you taught a class and threatened to punch a guy's dick for Jenny... Not to mention Kinkade actually _talks_ to you sometimes, which...Like. Rumor has it you're the only person on campus who knows what his voice sounds like."

Huh. This was unexpected.

"Yeah, I guess I am pretty cool." She shrugged.

“Dude, you are _so_ cool.” The guy shook his head and offered Pidge a fist bump. She conceded for no other reason than she was pretty sure that if she didn’t that the guy might die of heartbreak. A couple of the boy’s friends nodded at her...Again. Why?

This was so profoundly weird. She had figured she would get picked on as a guy – not promoted to the top of the food chain. Matt would be so jealous. Really, there were only three logical explanations for the whole scenario. Option One: Her third-grade teacher was wrong and she had killer acting skills. Option Two: She made a better boy than she did girl. Option Three: She was surrounded by idiots.

Judging by milk chugging contest going on next to her… She was going to have to go with option three.

"If you ever want to hang out ever, let me know." The guy told her and Pidge nodded. She was still a little baffled, but hey. She could roll with this. They group turned away, but one of them paused as Pidge went back to typing. "Hey...What's that on your wrist?" He asked and Pidge looked down to see the pink hairtie on her wrist. She shrugged.

"A gift from a friend." She said and the boy's eyes widened. He nudged his friends and they whispered something. Pidge saw a few of them touch yarn bracelets on their own wrists... Which was another thing she had been meaning to investigate. Why did some of the students just have these yarn bracelets? Clearly they thought her hairtie was one as well and it made them uneasy.

"Oh...Wow. Cool." One of them stuttered "Uh..See you around!" He yelped and scrammed. Pidge rubbed her eyes.

This school was wild.

* * *

"I may be small, but I am fierce." Pidge growled, puffing out her chest "Trust me Kinkade. You'll regret this." She told the boy, glowering. Kinkade didn't bother to look up from his homework. "I am smart enough to poison you without getting caught." She warned "...And I once read a book on torture techniques." She added. Kinkade made a note in his textbook and continued writing. Pidge frowned.

"...Ryan? Come on, please give me back the controller... You know I can't reach it."

Kinkade finally looked up and gestured to the hole in his wall. Pidge nodded.

"I...Okay. I maybe shouldn't have thrown it at the wall when I lost the level...But I think we should consider the fact that I am young and deserve a second chance." She argued. Ryan pointed to a second hole in the wall.

"...I think you're missing the point." Pidge sighed.

"Which is?" Ryan asked, still focused on his work.

"That you think I'm super cool and should get what I want."

"Disappointing," Ryan sighed and Pidge tilted her head "I thought you were smart."

"The amount of _disrespect-_ "

* * *

"That all happened in your first week?" Hunk asked, sounding vaguely impressed. "Ambitious."

Pidge shrugged, pleased with the reaction.

"I still have the hairtie!" She added, rolling up her sleeve to show the pink on her wrist. It had been one of her main sources of comfort in space. A little reminder of Earth and what she had there. Shiro smiled, turning to Adam and flicking his cheek.

"Babe... You were looking for me?" He asked Adam brightly.

"No."

"Yes, you were."

"Leave me alone."

"You missed me!"

"You're already on thin ice with me, Takashi." Adam sniffed, but the words had no real heat to them. If anything, they were soft and a little gross as Adam intertined their hands. Pidge made a face, running her hands through Kosmo's fur. Hunk stared at the space wolf.

"Hey...He isn't keeping Lance and Keith in the kitchen anymore...Where are they?" He asked, sounding a little concerned. Pidge paused. There had been some initial yelling earlier, but now it was silent. Pidge felt a wave of worry wash over her. Dear God. They hadn't killed each other, right?

She stood up, ignoring Shiro and Adam being in love for the sake of her sanity and jogged over to the kitchen. Maybe they had fallen asleep. It was pretty late.

"Hey are you guys-" She called out, opening the door. There was an awkward pause.

And she immediately shut the door.

...Wow. Her hallucinations were getting pretty vivid now. Maybe Shiro was right. She should get more sleep. Slowly, she opened the door again. Keith and Lance's eyes were wide and panicked as she peered back in.

"It isn't what you think." Lance immediately shot out. There went that dream.

"Keith's tongue was in your mouth. There aren't many ways to intepret that."

"...Technically."

"I really don't think this is a 'technically' situation, Lance." She said dryly and pushed open the door a bit wider. Keith gave a small shrugged. He seemed pretty calm about the situation. More so than Lance anyways. "So... The fight?"

"We talked about it," Keith answered as Lance buried his face in his hands "We're on the same page. Then I found out Lance might be bi except he isn't for sure so we were conducting a test... That's what you walked in on." He said. Huh. A scientific experiment? Pidge could get behind that.

"Well?" She asked and nudged Lance with her toe "What was the result? Are you bi?"

" _Pidge_!" He moaned, face still hidden by his hands "Oh my God this is so embarrassing. I didn't die for this."

"Maybe you need more data." Pidge frowned "We'll talk more after I finish my story-"

"More data-? Wait. You started the story without us?!" Lance yelped "Pidge! I wanted to hear it!" He whined. Keith snorted. Lance glowered at him "Something funny?" He demanded and the other boy shook his head.

"...no." Keith shrugged "I just happened to hear the entire thing. They weren't that far away from the kitchen. You must have been...Pretty occupied."

"Fuck off!" Lance hissed "I'm going to wake Allura and the others up." He snapped grumpily, face still flushed bright red and stormed out of the room. Pidge rose an eyebrow at Keith.

"You heard the whole thing, huh?"

"No," Keith said and pressed his hands over his eyes. "I just don't want him to think I liked it or anything."

"Adam is rubbing off on you after all."

"Shut up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!! Basically Home Schooled has over 1000 kudos?!?! I'm quaking??? Thank you???? That's so...many...? Honestly. I meant for that one chapter to be a one-shot. Now this happened. It 100% is due to all of you being nice and supportive and inspiring me. Lots of love  <3 
> 
> Speaking of inspiration... I posted my first drabble! It was essentially Adam trying to convince Keith to let him propose to Shiro (set in the same universe as this series) so you can read that on my Tumblr. I'm not sure what my next one will be so if you like any particular characters interacting/a specific scenario let me know. I was thinking I could probs write Lance's arrest scene since he technically told what happened and we didn't get to see his grand theft auto/pet thievery. 
> 
> Anyways! Updates might be a LITTLE slower because my life suddenly went form 0-100 and I'm absolutely shook. I'm also trying to realign my secondary plot to fit with Adam's fic so we'll see how that works out. 
> 
> Yeah...Thanks again for dropping by!


	3. Chapter 3

"So I got moved up to train with the older kids today." Pidge announced, slamming the door open "I'm supposed to be working with that Lance McClain guy and Hunk Garrett. You wouldn't happen to know anything about them, would you?" She asked. Ryan lifted his head from his pillow and frowned.

"Pidge... It's three in the morning. How did you even get in here?"

"You gave me a copy of your key."

"I don't think I did."

"...You unknowingly gave me a copy of your key."

"Pidge."

"I made a copy of your key...For emergencies."

"Is this an emergency?"

"Yes."

"Explain."

"I'm lonely and can't sleep." She finally admitted, "And you don't have a roommate so..." She shuffled a little "Maybe we can talk? Unless you need to sleep. Which, I mean, I kind of woke you up. I didn't really look at the time. Sometimes I just really miss my family and-"

"Come on." Ryan sighed, rubbing his eyes. Pidge blinked. She wasn't sure what was happening, but a large fluffy blanket was thrown over her head. "You need to sleep." He said "Otherwise you'll end up like me."

"Like you?"

"Tired." He grumbled and threw a pillow at her head. Pidge fell to the ground at the force of the throw. Damn Kinkade and his obnoxious strength. She tried not to scowl as guilt hit her at his words.

"Oh. Sorry I woke you up."

"Not that kind of tired," Ryan said and wrapped another blanket around her "Just tired of life. If you sleep then you don't have to deal with so much."

"That...Doesn't sound like the best coping mechanism." Pidge told him and let him take her glasses off. Once he was satisfied he threw himself onto his bed before sighing.

"And turning up to someone's dorm at three in the morning is?" He asked, pulling his covers over his head so his voice was a little muffled.

"Who hurt you?" She snorted. While Kinkade was usually pretty sweet, he also had no tolerance for any bullshit whatsoever. It was the main reason they got along. An exhausted Kinkade was especially vulnerable to moodiness.

"Fucking James Griffin. He tried to tell me tomatoes were fruit today."

"I mean...Technically-"

"Don't do this." Ryan muttered, burying his head into his pillow "I'm too goddamn tired."

"...Of life?"

"Yes."

"Yikes. Do you want to skip class tomorrow go to the pet store to pet dogs?" She asked. Ryan propped his head up on the pillow, considering.

"You would skip class?"

"I teach the class."

"How did that work out?"

"I harvested your big dick energy for myself and used it to become a benevolent dictator."

"Goodnight, Pidge."

* * *

Pidge didn't mean to run into the boy with the weird jacket. It just sort of happened.

You see, she created a bit of a schedule for herself. She would wake up, take a shower, go to class, have some lunch, hang out with Jenny or Ryan, and then commit her usual dose of treason for an hour before doing homework. On weekends she typically extended her treason hours a bit and added in a dose of breaking and entering for more treasonous purposes. This is what she was doing when she ran into the boy with the weird jacket.

"Uh..." He said as Pidge frowned. His lower face was covered by a bandana, but she wasn't sure how that was helpful in concealing his identity. She could still see the long, dark hair and black (slightly... violet?) eyes that widened when he caught sight of her. Not to mention the fingerless gloves, and the aforementioned jacket that was like...A half jacket? Who bought half of a jacket? Where was the lower part of this article of clothing? 

Nevermind. The point was that she could pick this kid out of any lineup and his bandana didn't do shit.

"Hi." She greeted. First Adam, now this kid. Couldn't she steal in peace? "I take it that you are here to break the law too?"

The boy blinked, shock evaporating into askance. He glowered, straightening himself and raising his fists into a defensive position.

It was like he was a very bad assassin or something.

"Right. Well I call dibs on hacking into Iverson's computer. You go ahead and get whatever you came here for." She said and went back to typing. The boy didn't move, presumably a bit alarmed by how the situation had gone. Pidge said nothing to that. After a few minutes he began to move, looking through different items in the office. From the corner of her eye she could see him stare at some manilla folders, a bit at loss.

...Ugh. What a newbie.

"They're sorted by date." She called "Cross reference them with the ones in the blue drawer if you are looking for a specific person. That one is alphabetical order." She told him. The boy's gaze whipped to her. For a second he looked annoyed, but he didn't say a word as he followed her advice. She snorted when a soft 'oh' left his lips. Yeah. Oh.

"Who are you?" He asked, head tilting a bit as he tucked a folder under his arm. His voice was muffled a bit by the cloth over his mouth.

"Who are _you_?" She shot back.

"You look familiar."

"That's nice." She sighed and clicked a few more keys. She leveled a look at him "You look ridiculous." She said and the boy made an affronted sound. "What? I bet if I ever saw you outside of this room I would recgonize you. The disguise is awful."

"So is yours!"

"I'm not in a disguise." She sniffed. A bit of a lie, but whatever. "You remind me of a really angsty boy band member who has recently decided to join the dark side of rap or something." She grumbled and narrowed her eyes "You aren't about to sell me on your soundcloud, are you?"

"I don't know what you're saying."

"Uh huh. Well it was nice to meet you." Pidge continued and logged off the computer "But I need to study so I'll have to cut this short.

"Um...Okay?" The boy shrugged. He didn't look terribly distraught. If anything, he seemed relieved. Pidge stood up, stretching a bit. She looked at the kid and noted that his stupid bandana did nothing to conceal the shadows under his eyes. She tilted her head.

"Come here for a second."

"What?"

"Come here."

"No..? I don't know you?"

"Come here before I start screaming and say that you kidnapped me." She warned and the boy's brows furrowed together, glaring at her. He looked around before shuffling a bit towards her "Closer." She coaxed and he narrowed his eyes before taking one more step. "I'm going to hug you now." She informed him.

"You're going to what?"

Pidge didn't really give him a chance to object as she threw her arms around him. He tensed, almost flinching at her sudden touch. She could feel him uncertainly freeze a little - as if debating if he should karate-chop her off of him, but eventually he seemed to accept her forced affection and awkwardly patted her back.

"Uh...Right. How long are these supposed to last?" He finally asked when Pidge hadn't let go.

"Damn son. Just let me bond with you for a second." She told him. Much like Mr. Frasier, she had a feeling the boy was searching for someone he had lost too. That made them allies if nothing else. And God knows she needed a hug with her brother and father gone.

...Didn't Matt say Shiro had adopted a kid or something at one point? She wondered if this was the same guy.

"Hey... You wouldn't happen to know Adam Frasier by chance, would you?" The boy asked and Pidge let go, stepping back as part of suspicions were confirmed. She nodded. "Is... Er, is he doing...Like...Okay?" He finally asked, shifting a little uncomfortably.

"Well... He sometimes sneaks into this room too if you know what I mean." She said, stuffing her hands into her pockets "I get the feeling he might be looking for more than one person." She added, raising an eyebrow. If this was the kid Shiro had looked after...Well. She was sure Adam was looking for him too. The boy lowered his eyes.

"But he's...Okay?" He finally repeated. Pidge sighed.

"He's fine. Sassy and annoying and constantly trying to ruin my life."

She couldn't see his lips, but his eyes flickered with subtle amusement before nodding. He gave an awkward wave at that before opening Iverson's window a smidge and slipping out. There was a beat of silence before she heard a soft thump and a pair of feet crunching against the sand outside. Pidge rolled her eyes.

"Oh look at me. I'm so mysterious and cool with my bandana." She mocked and opened the door "I can't just walk through an unarmed door to get outside, I have to go through a _window_." She grumbled and shook her head "He didn't even say thank you for the hug!"

* * *

"I can't believe this. I cannot believe that I am dealing with this." Pidge shouted, hitting her desk. "This is bullshit. _Bullshit_ , you hear?" She added, spinning towards her roommate. The small boy in question hummed. He was used to these random outbursts by now. In fact, Pidge was pretty sure he looked forward to them since she almost always apologized via doing his homework for him.

"Pidge," Lance said, putting his head in his hand "I'm sorry about this. I am. But _you_ were the one that suggested this."

"Actually," The other boy, Hunk, frowned "You were, Lance. I kind of remember you saying it was a good way to bond since we're all in the same simulator-"

"Hush, my friend. Pidge is clearly in a state of crisis."

"Crisis? _Crisis_? I'm in a state of panic! Listen, I know we haven't known each other for very long, but I expected better of you."

"Ah. I see. Yeah, the longer you know me the lower you'll expectations will be." Lance told her and took a sip of milk. Pidge scowled. She wanted to throw something at him. Hunk patted her arm. She looked at him with pitiful eyes, hoping to gain some sympathy. Unfortunately, Hunk seemed loyal to Lance at the moment... For now. She could change that. Pouting, she glared in front of her.

"This isn't fair."

"Why are you such a baby?"

"I'm not!"

"You totally are!"

"You definitely cheated!"

"Oh my God, dude. _How_?!"

"I..." She spluttered indignantly for a few moments and then bitterly looked over at her roommate. The boy walked over and sighed.

"Pidge...I don't know what to tell you. He didn't cheat." He shrugged "He put down a draw two. You have to draw two. I still don't understand why you all need a referee for a game of uno." He muttered and Pidge gaped at him in betrayal for a second before snapping up two cards from the pile. Lance smirked viciously.

"Oh yeah," He said brightly and waved a card in her face "Uno!"

"I will _smite_ you."

* * *

 "...I have a secret."

"Oh thank God." Jenny sighed "I was beginning to worry I would have no blackmail against you."

"Haha." Pidge replied blandly and tapped her fingers against the grass beneath them. Jenny cleared her throat, raising her brows impatiently as she waited for Pidge to continue. Heat flushed her face. This was the worst thing to ever happen in the history of things ever. No exaggeration.

"I...Okay. You can't tell anyone. It's really important." Pidge said, a little desperately and the amusement on Jenny's face morphed into concern as her lips pressed together. She nodded and Pidge took a long breath "So...I can't stand up right now."

"What?!" Jenny gaped "Fuck, are you hurt?" She asked, eyes widening "Pidge why didn't you-"

"Shh!" Pidge said, a little desperately "Shh, Jenny, please!" She begged and grabbed the girl's hand "I'm not finished. Don't freak out. Please. I'm having my first period." She said, feeling her face turn even brighter red. Jenny froze.

"You're... You're having your first what?"

This was terrible. Awful. Pidge wanted to scream... She wasn't sure if it was the situation or the hormones that were prompting that. She looked at the sky above them and scowled. This was all her father and Matt's fault. They were out there somewhere... And she was going to wreak havoc on them for making her go through this.

"You know. That time of the month when-"

"No! I mean... I got it. I just...I wasn't expecting..." Jenny began a little flustered before pausing "I didn't realize you had that sort of set-up." She finally finished. Pidge sighed. Part of her felt as though she had left her body and was just observing the stress from afar.

"Yeah," She muttered "I seemed to have forgotten this was a thing that could happen." She grumbled and turned her eyes to Jenny with what she hoped to be a pleading look "If I get up people are going to notice... This orange doesn't exactly _hide_ blood." She spat out and glowered at her sleeves "And I don't want people to realize that..." She trailed off, suddenly very wary of her next words. Luckily, Jenny didn't give her a chance to finish.

"Worry not. I have a plan."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. It's going to be awesome." Jenny promised "You're only fourteen, right?" She asked and when Pidge nodded, smiled "Good. You won't be worried about not having sex then."

"Uh. Wha-"

"OH MY GOD!" Jenny screamed, clasping a hand over her mouth. The entire courtyard went silent "Oh my God! Pidge we are taking you to the hospital _right now_!" She yelled and hauled Pidge up to her feet. There was a moment of panic that settled on her at the realization _everyone_ was staring at her (keeping in mind the stained pants she was wearing). "How the _fuck_ did you get stabbed in the dick?!" Jenny continued.

What. The. Hell.

"Did she just say Gunderson got stabbed in the dick?!"

"Dude! Look at his pants!"

"How is he alive?!"

"I mean, he looks like he's in a lot of pain... but he isn't screaming or anything."

"This is your plan?!" Pidge hissed as Jenny dragged her away, still yelling about Pidge's apparent dick stabbing.

Honestly just let her die. Matt and her father were hopeless, but they could survive space, right? Right. She could just maybe keel over then. Thanks. A few people were gasping in horror and Pidge was a little alarmed at how easily people were swayed into believing a real dick stabbing took place...Especially since, like, there were no holes or anything.

"Come on, I have some stuff you can use." Jenny told her, ushering them into her dorm before people could realize they _weren't_ heading to the hospital "I don't think you're ready for a tampon, but I think there's some pads somewhere..." She mused, shuffling through her things.

"I...Thank you." She muttered and crossed her arms "I can't believe you just did that. What am I going to say if someone asks what happened?"

"Be mysterious. Tell them you did what you had to do."

"So what? I stabbed _myself_ in the dick?"

"You did what you had to do."

"I honest to God hate you."

"This kind of attitude is why you got stabbed in the dick, Pidge."

* * *

It wasn't like Pidge had a temper or anything. She had a certain impaitience for stupidity, but it wasn't like...A temper tantrum type thing.

But let's see how calm _you_ would be if some emo kid held up a sword to your throat.

"Keep that shit to yourself you idiot!" She hissed, stamping on his foot. The boy in question had dropped the sword at her initial scream in favor of clapping his hands over his ears. From there Pidge had taken to repeatedly kicking him "You can't just hold swords up to people! What's wrong with you?" She demanded and aimed another kick.

"Sorry, _sorry_!" The boy said and scrambled away from her "I just meant to scare you! I wasn't going to actual do anything!"

"What kind of dick just sneaks up and uses a sword to scare people?" Pidge demanded, crossing her arms. "This is real life not some kind of vampire drama. You can't just use lethal weapons against random ass kids!" She snapped out. "What's your name?"

"...Draven."

"No. It's punk ass little bitch because that's what you _are_!" She told him and snatched the sword from the ground. Draven flinched, holding up his hands. "Oh don't be such a baby." She muttered and threw it next to him so it clattered against the ground "Why were you trying to scare me?"

"Little...Little Tuna." Draven stuttered "My boss. He wanted to... He wanted more information on you." He stuttered out and Pidge swallowed. The Garrison's mob boss was looking for her? Well... She maybe should have expected that considering she went around saying she was Little Tuna from time to time. Yikes.

"Well," She said and dusted off her uniform "Tell him I like peanut butter." She sniffed and set her jaw as she glared down "And if you ever wave that thing in my face again I'll shove it up your ass." She added, spinning away. From behind her she could hear a soft sigh of relief.

"...And they said _Kogane_ was scary. Please."

The name rang a bell, but Pidge didn't bother to place it. She just decided to bask in the glory of being scarier than them.

* * *

"I love being a boy." Pidge whispered as she stared at the beauty in front of her. Amazing. Fantastic. From beside her, Lance snorted.

"Damn. Me too." He said and gently bumped her "But do you plan on actually paying for your stuff? George looks exhausted." He pointed out and narrowed his gaze "Probaby adding some unnecessary costs."

"Please don't do this to me again." George spoke up and rose an eyebrow at Pidge "But he's right about paying. You kind of got to do that."

"It's so cheap!"

"Umm... Sure." Lance hummed, crossing his arms. "You didn't buy that much..." He frowned, looking at Pidge's purchases. "It's just soap, razors and shaving cream - which I kind of doubt you need by the way, dude - and deodorant." He listed off "Why would that be expensive?"

"Have you ever seen how much this stuff this costs in the girls' aisle?" She asked and realization crossed over his face. She was a little surprised by that.

"Oh. Right. Pink tax." Lance nodded "My sister has some strong opinions on it." He snorted and shook his head "America is so weird."

Pidge dished out her wallet. Goddamn. She was never shopping in the women's aisle again. Fuck that.

"I can't wait to smell like a fucking mountain of death during the harsh winter months instead of stupid roses." She whispered. Men soaps had such aggressive names. She kind of digged it. Smelling like the feet of sasquatch made her feel like she could choke someone without standing on her tip-toes. Lance stared at her. George handed her the receipt, not phased.

"Oh no." He sighed and Pidge turned to see Mr. Frasier entering the store. "Not this guy again." He mumbled and Lance peered over his shoulder.

"Adam...?" He asked "What's wrong with him?" He asked, but based on the small smile hinting as his lips he already had a few ideas. George scowled.

"Have a good day." He muttered bitterly, not answering Lance's question. He marched off grumpily towards to where Pidge's teacher had wandered off. She watched him go, a little curious.

“What was that all about?”

“Can’t say,” Lance shrugged and leaned over the cash register to pluck something up. “Mr. Frasier is good at causing chaos.” Pidge made a noise of disapproval, nodding towards whatever was in Lance’s hand “Fret not, small Pidge. I’m only helping a friend out.” Lance told her and stuffed the mystery item in his pocket “George won’t get in trouble.”

“…your friend wouldn’t happen to be Adam, would it?”

“No.”

“Liar.” She accused and crossed her arms. She considered demanding more information, but… Nah. Between Adam and half-jacket guy… Well. They needed all the help they could get. Lance might not be the _best_ person to enlist, but he was better than nobody.

“ _Not the mini-wheats you absolute monster_!” George suddenly screamed and Lance danced next to her, scurrying them out of the store.

“Let’s go before he decides to go for the Nutella.”

“Dear God.”

“Exactly.”

* * *

"Wait. I'm confused."

"There's been a lot of that going around lately." Pidge said innocently and gave an innocent smirk towards the blue paladin.

"Pidge what the actual _fuck?_ " Lance groaned as everyone turned to him. Pidge snorted. Okay, that had been a little mean... but it was right there. How could she not take it? Allura frowned. She was in some spare clothes Adam had given them so they were a little big, making her look like a child playing dress-up. From beside her Romelle was in a similar state, but she had cut and somehow sewn them so it was a better fit.

...Adam had not been pleased.

"What is a tuna and why is it small?" Allura frowned, ignoring Pidge's comment "I was under the impression a tuna was a...what did you call them? Fish?" She asked.

"Fish?" Romelle echoed and shivered "Sounds scary."

"You guys missed the whole story." Adam complained "We can't start again from the _beginning!_ " He whined and Shiro nudged him with a slightly chastising look. The man shrugged, still grumbling under his breath. "I'm just saying." 

"Where are Krolia and Coran?" Hunk asked looking around "Lance did you wake them up too?"

"God, no." Lance shuddered "I'm not going anywhere  _near_ Keith 1.0 when she's sleeping. She'll kill me if I accidentally breathe too loud." He shuddered. Keith frowned.

"Keith 1.0?" He asked dryly and Lance shrugged.

"You're Keith 2.0." He told him seriously "You guys are the same except she's more purple and doesn't use southern lingo when she's angry."

"I said ain't _one_ time-"

"It isn't even a real word."

"It's in the dictionary!"

"Sounds like something a true southerner would say." 

"Oh my-"

"Coran?" Hunk interrupted loudly. Adam had been agreeing loudly with Lance, gesturing to him and clapping to his responses. Allura seemed to be following his example, but was clearly confused about it. Lance shot Keith another irritated look and shrugged.

"I think... I didn't want to bother him." Lance admitted "He was kind of sad about giving up the castleship's crystal and I figured us talking about this kind of stuff would make it worse." He added. The paladins paused at that before humming in low agreement "I'm sure he'll join soon though." Lance added weakly. Pidge eyed him over carefully. There was a firm space between Keith and Lance that Pidge could sense the tension rolling over. It wasn't the same as before... While there had always been a sort of weird, angry and intense vibe between them this was a bit more...uncertain. Careful. Filled with trepidation.

They really need to get a move on with this.

"Well we're basically done anyways." Pidge shrugged "I have nothing left to say." Her phone dinged and she glanced down to see Matt had texted her. Thank God. At least that meant he finally got his ass to Earth. She may have accidentally left him space, but she was _done_ tracking him down... It caused her too much grief.

"We just got here!" Romelle pouted "No fair."

"What do you mean you have nothing left to tell?" Adam frowned "All of you are liars. So much more happened."

"Umm...? No?" Hunk pursed his lips "I don't think so."

"Did you hear about how Keith and I met? Or how Lance once broke into my apartment?"

"...Listen. I didn't just _break in_. You have to phrase that better-"

"Or how Mr. Gunderson over here failed a test?"

"Fuck you. That never happened."

"I graded it." Adam snorted, crossing his arms "Not to mention my _amazing_ proposal to Takashi-"

"It was terrible. You convinced me that you were kidnapped." Shiro muttered and Keith sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I mean, I made him practice. He went off script." The paladin muttered. Adam ignored both of them.

" _Or_ how I once caught Little Tuna here with a bunch of weed in his coat... Not that I knew he was Little Tuna, but whatever." He grumbled. Pidge crossed her arms over her chest.

"...I mean, that's all fine, but maybe you should tell us how you _survived_? Because we still don't know and that's more interesting than me failing a test." She argued. Lance scoffed at that, but she silenced him with a glare.

"I was kind of there for that!" Romelle said brightly. Adam shot her an exasperated look.

"I want to know what you did while we gone." Keith asked and Adam narrowed his eyes at him. "Because you clearly weren't productive in finding us."

"You enrage me." Adam told him and leaned back "Well... I guess we can start this all off with the first time Takashi kissed me."

"I doubt that's relevant."

"It was a cold, windy night and I was looking as dashing as ever..."

"Look what you've done, Pidge." Hunk muttered and she threw up her hands. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise you more Klance is coming. My fave scene for them is probably going to be in the first chapter for Adam's fic.
> 
> Which, yeah! Adam gets a fic! Basically a Secret Agent should be coming out soon. Like I said before my life is a little hectic at the moment so it might not be as quick as usual. But Adam's stuff is going to overlap with some of the paladins' stories. It's also going to have some stuff from AFTER they disappeared because of course he was looking for all of them. 
> 
> That's a wrap for Pidge though! I hope you all liked it!


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